How do I even begin telling my story? A story of a lost childhood, lost innocence, lost potential? My mind is reeling with thoughts on how to go about this; I've always envied/admired people who have a knack for speaking and writing with eloquence. I hope that as this blog progresses I will become more proficient. I welcome feedback and suggestions.
I am an adult survivor of school bullying like so many others out there. We are all alike in many ways and of course unique. I was bullied for at least ten years from the time I entered first grade until I dropped out of high school in tenth grade. I never spoke about it. As I look back and try to make sense of it, I can honestly say that I did not feel that I deserved to be treated this way, I think I just concluded that because no one intervened, I was powerless to stop it and simply lost my voice. I developed that "frozen stance" aspect of the fight or flight mechanism, I just endured it. It's as if I just numbed out in order to survive. I was terrified most of the time. I was also very lonely and sad though I did have a few friends. How did I cope? I ate and pretended that everything was okay, listened to music and escaped into fantasy-god forbid that my family should find out what was going on...I felt so ashamed. I was the recipient of female as well as male verbal and psychological abuse. I was ostracized, physically beaten, had things stolen and dumped in the toilet, etc. I was also bullied by a teacher. As surprising as this may sound, I didn't know I was a survivor; not until recently. As a teenager and adult I would often wonder why I had such difficulty with life...anxiety about work, social situations, difficulty making friends, etc. I struggled with depression since the age of four but did not know I had it until about ten years ago.
I will continue with my story and invite others to share and comment.
